Becoming Family Takes Work

John the Apostle is writing this account of the crucifixion. He is the only one of the four Gospel writers who mentions this exchange. But he is the one who would know. He identifies himself as “the disciple whom (Jesus) loved.”

Becoming family to one another is hard work. Really hard work. It is demanding. It requires sacrifice. It requires the setting aside of some things you want to do while taking up tasks that were not on your individual agenda.

I have a single friend who makes a great distinction between being an “individual” and being a “person.” For him, personhood means being in significant relationships.

I have not perfected anything that I am going to address. I am, like you a traveler on this road. But I know that what I am saying is right and true and hard, and that we must do it to follow Christ.

Let's Gather at the Cross:

Jesus is the glue of this family. He is about to die. Doing the burial will be part of the family’s responsibility.

Jesus is caring for the family as he dies. Part of the responsibility of family is to prepare for your own death.

This family will soon become a tree. Now consisting of only a few people, soon it will be made up of thousands. These thousands will gather in houses all over Jerusalem. These gatherings will foster a growing, deepening love for one another.

The church Jesus created is changing. It will go on without his physical presence.

Death is all about family. Who gathers at the deathbed? Who runs to the ER? Who do you want there when you are injured, ill, or breathing your last? Your family, as someone told me yesterday.

• John looked around and noticed who was gathered at the cross where Jesus died. He recorded their names for us. He was there along with four women including the mother of Jesus.
• Notice the others around you now. We are people who have found one another through the death of Christ.
• If you do not want to gather with others at the cross of Christ, you ought to consider whether you are part of the family.

Let's Consider This Moment:

We sing about this moment almost every Sunday. The cross is the center of Christian theology and practice. “God demonstrated his love for us in this way: while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

The Cross is memorialized in both of our family ordinances.

• In baptism we picture the death, burial, & resurrection. "We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life." (Romans 6:4)
• In communion, we contemplate the broken body and shed blood. "For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes." (1 Corinthians 11:26)
• Baptism and communion are about family.
  • Baptism is the incorporation of the person into the body of Christ. You are a member of the Body after baptism.
  • Communion happened with a table in the upper room. And it happens in our church with a table. It is the Family Gathering Place, that table.

At the Crosby family gathering we sing before we eat. The song we sing is “Come and Dine.” It begins with, “Jesus has a table spread, where the saints of God are fed. He invites his chosen people “Come and dine.”

The Cross has always been the rallying point for the family of Jesus. “Kneel at the cross, Christ will meet you there. Come while he waits for you.”

• We go back to the cross to find our life orientation. We are crucified with Christ.
• We go back to the cross to find our mission. We are dying to self so that the life of Christ may be evident in us.
• We go back to the cross to find inspiration. The death of Christ is the awesome symbol of God’s love. Whenever we waiver in our knowledge of God’s love, we gather here at the cross.
• We go back to the cross to find strength. The cross is the symbol and sign of our life-long commitment, our commitment to the dying point.

Now Consider the Family Assignment:

"Jesus said to Mary, 'Woman, here is your son,' and to the disciple, 'Here is your mother.' From that time on, this disciple took her into his home." — John 19:26-27

Jesus told the disciples that they would be connected as family to others in the Kingdom: “'Truly I tell you,' Jesus replied, 'no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life.'" (Mark 10:29-30)

The Apostle Paul tells the church to treat each other this way: "Do not rebuke an older manharshly but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity." (1 Timothy 5:1-2)

Understand what is happening at the cross: Jesus is giving John responsibility for his mother in her old age.

• Mary is to treat John as her son.
• John is to treat Mary as his mother.
• This is a costly and heavy burden for John to carry. And it will take an enormous adjustment in time and energy and lifestyle for both John and Mary.
• Yet it is exactly what Jesus wants them to do.

Jesus does this despite the fact that Mary has other children such as James who becomes pastor of the Jerusalem church and Jude who wrote the little book of Jude. These might have been stepsons—the sons of Joseph by a previous marriage, as some traditions suggest. But still, they are family in a way that John is not family.

• We must get over suggesting that other people ought to carry the burdens of caring for people near us. We must be ready to adopt those around us into our loving family.

Foster care is God’s people stepping up to care for the modern-day orphans. It is easy to say, “Their parents should be doing it” or “Their grandparents should be doing it.” But such statements are often excuses for not wanting to do it ourselves. Orphan care and the care of widows is intense work.

• Yet James wrote, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their..." (James 1:27)
• Do you know how alone and vulnerable some widows feel? Do you realize how difficult it is for them sometimes? Do you know what a difference you could make in their life? Do you know how it would enrich your own life to care for them?

We cannot have the benefits of family without the costs. List the things that families do for one another: food, clothes, housing, medical needs, vacations, holidays—the list is endless.

• We want a place to go for Christmas. Therefore, we need to provide a place for people to come for Christmas, etc.
• Living as family means facetime, and I am not talking just about the computer app. I am talking about real engagement with one another—true intimacy.

Action is the Key Witness:

We are always urged to be "doers of the word and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves." (James 1:22)

This generation, often disconnected from biological family, is desperately looking for brothers, sisters, fathers, and mothers.

• It is the opportunity of the church to step into this void.
• It is the responsibility of the church to do so.
• It is the calling of Christ upon us.
• It is the gospel message.

Family is a work of love. Love is costly, as we learn at the cross. But it is way worth it.